Something that caught my attention while reading this piece is the sincerity and earnestness about love and human connection in this novel. This is something we see with Ben and his relationships primarily with women— his interactions with them. Ben’s relationship with Alex in particular is debatable.
This constant mention of Alex hoping to carry Ben’s baby to me was strange and seemed to be a huge piece of this novel/ journey.
“Why didn’t Mom just adopt?” (pg. 120— ebook)
The thought of Ben being the father had crossed my mind as well- why was it so critical to Alex that Ben was the father?
“I can’t imagine what any of this must have felt like, must feel like,” I said. I wanted to say that it’s not the sperm donor that matters, that the real father is the man who loved and raised her, but before I could figure out how to articulate my position tactfully, I was distracted by a vision of Alex in the future, falling in love with someone, maybe moving out of the city with “our” child. Would I be thought of as the father? Just a donor? Not at all?” (pg. 120— ebook)
The way this particular part of the novel was written, it seemed as if Ben almost second-guessed his decision at this point in the story. In my opinion, this is when the realization started to hit him when he was having the conversation with the coworker and came to realize that this isn’t just about sperm donation- this is more than that- what is my position in all this? When it comes to being a sperm donor, what do I want and what do I not want?
“She shrugged. “I think on balance I didn’t want kids anyway. Do you have children?”
“No, but my best friend wants me to help her get pregnant. I mean, we’re thinking of doing IUI. But”—and this was certainly only sayable because of the wine—“my sperm is a little abnormal.” (pg. 157— ebook)
Time and time again, we hear that this is something that his best friend is interested in, but what about what he wants as well? In the course of reading the novel, I kept thinking about one thing: why him?
“Okay, but your whole plan only kind of involves me—my level of involvement to be determined, whether I’m a donor or a father. You’re asking me to be a flickering presence. I give reproductive cells and then the rest we figure out as we go along.” (pg. 177— ebook)
I can tell you exactly what I was thinking-Alex gets what she wants, which is a baby from Ben, but what does Ben get in return? There is something unusual about Ben’s correspondence with women.

